3-Emoji Review: 184 New Emojis And We’re Still Waiting For…

Posted on: 11/02/15, 10:44pm

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The Taco Emoji Has Arrived
It takes me approximately 5 hours to scroll through my current stack of emojis to find the smiley shit (easily the best one) but lucky for our time here on earth, Apple has come out with 184 more! Smiley-crapping your pants to learn more? Here’s a list of some of the most popular new additions (in my humble opinion): taco, burrito, lion, unicorn, hot dog, fog, dove of peace, crab, and a coffin. You still have a long way to go, Apple. Still no fart emoji.

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The Marketing Team at REI are My New BFFL
You know what I hate? Black Friday. You know what I hate more? Black Friday at Walmart. Seriously, someone died once. Now, REI is sweeping in like a majestic eagle and saving the human race from a commercialized holiday that has tampered so much with the human race, it ruins families. They announced on Tuesday that they would be closing their doors on Black Friday and encouraging customers to #OptOutside. AND they’re giving their employees a paid vacation day. Holy smokes, I might buy a pair of Pro Rock Shoes just because I love them now.

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NOOOOO, Bacon, NOOOOOOO
With Adele’s newest song coming out on Friday, I didn’t know if I could handle more emotional turmoil. Until, the World Health Organisation (WHO) came out and stole Christmas from all of us. Their study says eating processed meats (i.e. bacon, sausage, and hotdogs) will put you at a higher risk of (colorectal) cancer. To be honest, I didn’t handle the news like an adult. THEY PUT BACON IN THE SAME CATEGORY OF CANCER RISK AS CIGARETTES, YOU GUYS. See what I mean by “not handling this like an adult?” To be honest the only thing that makes me feel better about this is thinking about Wilbur from Charlotte’s Web. The pigs are safer now.

 

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